matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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