I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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