Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
