I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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