I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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