I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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