Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
