Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize