Me too!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize