Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
