so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
