I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
