trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
not ubering you a puppy
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize