My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
