just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
