Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
