it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
