dude i'm inner monologue high
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
