We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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