I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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