i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
