I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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