Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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