His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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