Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize