Already got asked if we're dating
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
