is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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