first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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