Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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