We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
