I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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