We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
