dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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