Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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