Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
