Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
