life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Randomize