I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
