my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
