I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
