I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
