Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
