I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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