a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
