My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
