Pappa wants mamma naked
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
