It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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