oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
