you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
