dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You smell like stripper and shame
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
