So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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