She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
