I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
