He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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