I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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