i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
