i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize