I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
