you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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