HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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