i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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