I skipped work to stalk him.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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