i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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