I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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