i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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