John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How does one acquire holy water?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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