i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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