dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
