32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
