That's intense
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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