i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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