I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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