I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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