i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
