Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
