Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
even my farts smell like vagina
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She needs sedatives and a leash
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
