Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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