I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
