I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
