Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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