12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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