Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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