why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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