is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just took my morning after pill in the library
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
