i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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