he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
