I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
