I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
