I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
