I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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