I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
