i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
