where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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