This is not my ceiling
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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