Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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