So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize