saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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