yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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