I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You took a bar mat shot.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
