My sheets look like a crime scene.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
