Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
