Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
